Dear Friends,
Warm weather is finally here…. After six cords of wood!
Yeh…. Six cords! The local
weather guy said this was the snowiest (is that a word?) winter here in
Lincoln Co. since 1987. And…. It
was sure enough cold. When that
wind blew across the snow and ice, it got colder than a pawn brokers smile.
It started just before Christmas and never let up till April.
But we have had snowstorms in the past clear up into May.
I made sure I stoked the fire good before bedtime to keep the little
woman warm and to keep the frost off the furniture.
(Hey, I’m not kidding!
That actually would happen in the bunkhouse I grew up in.
Those old-school cowboys weren’t much on insulation… stuff some old
newspaper in between the walls now and then.)
The snow was a great asset when the little booger eaters
(grandkids) came to visit granny and grandpa.
They always provide the opportunity for a grown up to make a fool of
himself by acting like a kid again.
Down the hill we went on those cheap plastic sleds you can get at the
dollar store… you know, the kind you can’t steer… I planned ahead, though.
I told my daughter where the will was and gave my wife burial
instructions, because “Murphy” (you know.. Murphy’s
law) is a regular visitor to my house but that day he must have slipped out to
the pick-up for another pouch of chewing tobacco because no one got hurt.
As most of you know, (and those that don’t, can tell jut
by reading this newsletter up to this point) that I am a bona fide good ‘o boy
with a dash of red-neck thrown in just to make it more fun when blowing things
up. And of course, the little
woman likes to remind me of it now and then like; I know what mountain oysters
are and choose to eat them anyway; I like rattlesnake exhibitions; to me the
glow of a laptop screen makes a romantic glow; etc… so it stands to reason
some of our friends are like-minded and well-rounded individuals.
Take for instance Dolton and Debbie.
Now I will have to say that Debbie is a soft-spoken lady-like southern
belle and has never ridden bulls, (I don’t think).
Dolton, on the other hand… for example; him and his younger brother
Yadkin and their first cousin Garner on their mammas side found a weather
balloon and filled it with helium to raise it up into the air.
You see, the gang had already filled it with oxy-acetylene, (that’s the
stuff welders use to cut steel!) They then tied a big pack of firecrackers to
it with a lit cigarette on the end.
Dolton says the cigarette is the “timer”.
He also says you would be surprised at the sound it makes when it goes
off! Garner is famous in his
parish for consistently winning the annual Fishing Rodeo every year.
His neighbor comes up missing all those big bass he stocked in his
manicured pond about the same time.
Dolton still likes to reminisce about when he was thirty years younger
getting drunk, eating gassy foods and walking around with a lighter in his
hand. There’s a mental picture
for ya!
I shouldn’t be too surprised at having a friend like
Dolton. Heck, some of my own
relatives are just as country as turnip greens.
When I was sixteen (and my thinker was plumb puny), my first cousin
Dink on my foster family side talked me into riding bulls.
I had ridden calves and steers since I was about seven years old, but
had since moved on to team roping and calf roping.
Apparently, Dink thought I should add bull riding to my rodeo
endeavors, so he convinced my little pea brain into entering the next rodeo
with him. (I did).
Now that I look back though, I think he just wanted to see me get
danced on by a thousand pound angry bovine that apparently didn’t like me
gouging his ribs with spurs. (He didn’t).
To prepare for my debut as the new Casey Tibbs, my dad built a bucking
barrel to practice on. This is
two 55 gallon steel drums welded together, suspended at four corners to
railroad ties by ½” steel cables and coil springs off an old ¾ ton ranch
truck, next to the arena in a small corral we didn’t use anymore.
Now Dink was older than me and kind of “mentored” me in the ways of
beer, women and chewing tobacco.
One very hot summer day, Dink decided it’s time for me to sharpen my riding
skills and straps my bull rope to the barrel and proceeds to encourage me to
mount the precursor to the bar room mechanical bull that is so popular at
Billy Bobs in old Fort Worth.
Prior to this, he also convinces me it’s time to “man-up” and learn to start
dippin’ snuff like real men…. Well, did I say it was hot that day?
So I loaded my bottom lip with the sweet taste of Copenhagen, climbed
up onto “SATAN”, and Dink proceeded to yank them cables as hard as he could
until the barrel was slamming the ground every time it came down.
I was pretty good at hanging on but every time that barrel hit the
ground, I swallowed. Did I
mention it was very hot that day?
He finally tired and I finally dismounted, feeling successful with at least a
16 second ride, and then the snuff started to digest in my teenage virgin
stomach. I saw JESUS.
I asked him to take me home right then and there.
I puked five times and passed out in the dirt right in the sun ‘cause I
was too sick to drag myself to shade. I woke up and puked four more times.
I guess they felt I was too
sick to stay in Heaven and needed to come back to earth for more time at
humility because as I came to, I could hear the thunderous guffaws of cousin
Dink in the background as I faded back to Earth.
Did I say it was very, very hot that day?
Back to my step dad, Jim.
We visited him and Gayle back in the fall of last year in Arizona, and
Jim wanted to take all of us out to supper one night.
Now, Em and I are exercising regularly and trying to eat right in an
attempt to watch our girlish figures, so trust me when I say… never eat at any
place called, “Ma’s Kitchen”.
(Sorry Jim) I pretty much
finished off the evening with a fruity dessert of Tums, and used up about a
half tube of a topical ointment I found rolling around in the glove box.
Don’t ask….
What’s in a name?
I did arts and craft festivals for twenty five years, and like “Ma’s
Kitchen”, I have learned to avoid shows with red flag names like the “Elida
Peanut Festival”, and ones with certain rules like “Vendors may not sell or
use silly string outside of their booth”
We have another set of country-type friends, (yes it’s true),
Jane and Paul. They too are
salt of the earth good ole boys that own horses, dogs, numerous cats, and an
old Billy goat. You know, like
most of us here in Lincoln County.
They do arts and craft festivals and actually did the “Rattlesnake
Round Up” in Sweetwater, Texas.
So Jane is telling us about their friends, Byron and his wife who also did the
show. Well, on one of the show
days Byron happened to see a sign that read, “Free Beer Here”.
His wife said he disappeared like a tax return check for about four
hours and left her there at the booth to deal with customers all by herself.
Now, you know the old saying that goes “Nothing in life is free”.
Byron got the free beer, but he had to be a taste-tester for
rattlesnake cooked 5 different ways.
However, he got on local television that night, and got free
advertising for their product. I
assume his wife holstered her weapon after learning about that. (I’m sure the
free bucket of fried rattlesnake nuggets made for a good peace offering.)
As I said before, Em occasionally feels she has to remind
me of my country-upbringing. Like
the other morning we were sitting out on the front porch sipping coffee and
watching our dogs sniff the butts of the neighbor dogs as they came up to take
their morning crap in my yard, she reminded me of the table in my studio that
houses a printer, cans of fixative and spray varnishes, and a few non-descript
skulls from various animals and rodents, (props).
It is a rolling gardeners potting table I picked up at a yard sale for
5 bucks. My computer sits on a
kiln and the monitor is on a potter’s wheel so I can rotate the screen to face
any direction in the room with a kick of the wheel.
My set of Ludwig drums stacked up in the corner that I haven’t played
in years, make a nice set of small tables to set wet paintings on to dry.
The chest of drawers is made of solid oak with routed dove-tail joints,
the way high-end furniture used to be made. (I couldn’t believe someone just
threw that in the dumpster!) Em,
think of the hundreds of dollars I saved us!
Oh, I almost forgot. The
table top I use to set my drawing kit on is the small freezer we take to
Michigan every summer so we can bring back fish for the winter. (yes… we
really do travel with a freezer to and from Michigan. We take elk to the East,
and bring fish to the west) When Em teases me about my country upbringing’, I
politely remind her that she chose me out of a virtual unlimited pool of bona
fide applicants, knowing full well that some of my biggest claims-to-fame were
being able to milk a cow, use a bull whip, run a chain saw, and am even
willing to fight the dogs over a bucket of mountain oysters at a branding.
Since we are on the topic of the little woman, I must say
she is a very understanding person.
You see, I have been in love with another for some time now, and I felt
it was time to fess-up to her about “Francine”.
I met her last spring when I was punching cows and branding calves out
at Mike Lisk’s ranch, the WT BAR.
I also took her elk hunting with me in the fall and Em caught wind of the fact
I had been spending some time with her, but she just didn’t say anything
hoping that it would just pass.
It ate at me for a year and finally I told her.
Francine is tall, black, and beautiful.
Yes…. When I mounted her the first time, it was true love from that
moment on. Even though she is
only ten years old, weighs a thousand pounds, and belonged to another man, I
couldn’t help myself. Being the
loving understanding wife she is, Em allowed me to bring Francine home to
share our life with her. Em has
posted a photo of her to the right.
Ain’t she beautiful!!!!
As most of you know, I have another title as “art
instructor” and am now teaching 3 and 5 day workshops on drawing and oil
rub-outs. There is a link and
more info on the “workshops” page.
I also do private instruction right here at the ranch which will take
you from the very beginning of building and preparing your cradle boards and
panels out in the barn, to adding my “secret” formula of gesso ,(to create
those soft skin tones), all the way through drawing to a complete oil painting
ready to hang on the wall in just five days.
Right now I am scheduling workshops in Ruidoso (discount lodging is
available), Sedona, Arizona, Traverse City, Michigan, and in the hill country
of west Texas. Call or email us
if you are interested in any workshops.
Also, I am involved with a fund raising event that takes
place in Albuquerque New Mexico every May that raises money for art
scholarships for high school students.
The “Pena Art Has Heart” “Legacy Art Auction” brings in tens of
thousands of dollars and is hosted by famous movie and television stars and
country singers like Lou Diamond Phillips, Robert David Hall (CSI VEGAS), and
Holly Dunn, (“Daddy’s Hands”).
Every year the event grows bigger because it is so much fun.
I am proud to be the keyboard player for the now very popular “Legacy
All-stars” band. Lou likes to
belt out B.B. Kings “Stormy Monday” blues after the beer kicks in.
This year Sanjaya (American Idol contestant)
will join us. That
reminds me… I better go for now… the pills are about to wear off.
See Ya!
Virgil
